Both strategies begin with a polite interruption followed by a quick retreat.  The first one takes some chutzpah, aiming itself at the whole group while the second strategy targets a single person first before gaining an entrée into the larger group soon thereafter.  Both can give you the opening you need to break the barrier of closed-circle groups and save you from a night of eating alone at the bar during a conference or event.

Let’s take a closer look:

The Group Tackle

The group tackle involves a brief introduction followed by an immediate retreat—an emphatic statement that the group continue the conversation without further ado.  Last summer, I attended a Mediabistro conference with headliner Tim Ferriss.  I was dying to meet Tim so I stuck around after his keynote to introduce myself.  Not surprisingly, nearly a dozen people had beaten me to the punch. Tim was holding court at the periphery of the auditorium with a rapt audience.  Undeterred, I approached the group assertively, waited for Tim to see me and said the following:

1. Hi Tim, I’m Jodi Glickman Brown with Great on the Job, I didn’t want to interrupt but I’m fascinated to hear about what you do
2. Please, continue and I’ll just listen in

By not engaging in further conversation other than my quick intro, I made it explicitly clear that I didn’t intend to take over the conversation or change the natural direction or momentum of the dialogue.

After lobbing in your quick intro, the next step is to go into “listen mode” for several minutes before venturing into the conversation again.  Get a sense of the context and players around you.  Then, once you’ve got your footing, feel free to chime in after the others know who you are and see that you’ve been listening respectfully to the dialogue going on around you.

After listening to Tim and the group for several minutes, I lobbed in a question related to Great on the Job and my own book deal with St. Martins’ Press.  I will never forget Tim’s gracious response and his practical advice, and I’d be willing to bet both were to some degree due to the way I skillfully handled my entrance.

The Single Sideliner

For those who are intimidated by the group approach, there’s also a way to gain access to the group incrementally.  Stand nearby a member of the group until you make eye-contact and then politely and unobtrusively introduce yourself to that person.  After a one-line introduction, throw in a soft-sell about how you’d love an introduction to the broader group at the appropriate moment.  It goes something like this:

1. Hi, I’m Jodi Glickman Brown with Great on the Job, how are you? I don’t want to interrupt but I just wanted to listen in to the conversation…
2. I’d love an introduction to your colleagues at some point if you don’t mind

Then, if and when you do get that introduction to the broader group, follow up with a “so nice to meet you all” and then go back immediately into listen mode until you feel comfortable that you have something of value to add to the conversation.  Alternatively, you now have the opening you need to follow up individually with any other members of the group once the gang has dispersed or there is a natural lull in the conversation.

In both of these approaches, you join the group as a voyeur, but a voyeur with a free pass—because you’ve made the cursory personal introduction without stealing anyone’s thunder or rattling any feathers and you’ve explained your benign intentions—you’re just here to listen and learn.  From that point of entry, you can then come from a position of strength to follow up with your new found friends/colleagues/potential clients to begin a lasting and meaningful conversation.

Last week, my husband Eric was caught in the crosshairs of an overzealous museum curator eager to impart his knowledge about twentieth-century model trains

Fortunately, there is a way to exit gracefully.

We have all been in Eric’s place, stuck in a tedious, boring or uncomfortable conversation, at work functions or social gatherings. Common courtesy dictates that you don’t cut someone off mid-conversation and I personally know of no way to politely let someone know that you find their debate over live steam versus diesel-hydraulic powered model trains, well, boring.

This three-step signoff, however, will get you on your way without leaving your collocutor feeling slighted:

1. Start with “Thank you”
2. Discover a spontaneous transition
3. Suggest forward momentum or a consolation prize

“Thank you.” This part is easy. Whether or not you are enjoying someone’s company or conversation, it’s not hard to thank them for their time. You don’t have to be insincere and tell them how much you’ve enjoyed the conversation if in fact you haven’t, but there’s no harm in being gracious and thanking them for their time.

Discover a spontaneous transition. Polite excuses are easy to come by after the fact, but they often trip us up in the moment. The tried and true, “I’ve got a call to make,” “I’m going to be late for an appointment or lunch date” or even “I’d better go find my [wife, colleague, friend]“ are standard but often feel forced without a plausible transition. A spontaneous interruption is the glue that holds your alibi together and makes the polite excuse work. A few good ones include:

• “Oh my goodness, I just realized its eight o’clock, I’ve got a call to make”; or
• “You know what? I just noticed the time, I’m going to be late for an appointment”; or
• I’d love to continue the conversation, but unfortunately I do need to run, “I’d better go find my husband”

Suggest forward momentum or consolation prize. This is where true skill comes in. Adding a hint of forward momentum or offering a “consolation prize” in lieu of your continued presence turns an uncomfortable or awkward excuse into a graceful exit. Examples include offering to stay in touch with someone (only if you mean it), recommending the person’s business or hobby to someone else who might be interested, or committing to follow through on a topic the two of you just discussed””You will make sure to read the latest Wired article, try out that new iPhone surf report app, or visit that hole-in-the wall dive on your next visit to Memphis. It might be as simple as reminding your chatty new acquaintance of the fabulous dessert they should go try.

In Eric’s case, what he needed to do was thank the curator for his time, politely excuse himself and then offer to recommend the exhibit to a friend who would certainly be interested in taking a tour. It would have gone something like this:

“Thanks so much, what an interesting perspective. Unfortunately, I’d better get going, but I will definitely tell my father in law about the exhibit, he’s an avid history buff. Thanks again.”

If you feel like you can’t find any grounds for establishing forward momentum without being disingenuous (you wouldn’t dare subject a friend to the curator’s oration), then a final strategy is to simply acknowledge your counterparty’s passion and enthusiasm for a particular topic and express your gratitude for the quick lesson on model trains.

“Thanks so much for your time. How amazing””I could have never guessed these trains were actually hand built and powered by steam engines. Good luck with the exhibit and thanks again.”

A gracious and appreciative, “I never imagined there could be so much detail and precision in a model train!” goes a long way toward making the curator feel good about the conversation”“and allowing you to skip away guilt-free.

December is performance review month. While the merits and validity of a year-end review are often the subject of

Your managers will spend much time (hopefully) preparing to deliver your review in a thoughtful and constructive manner. You should spend as much time, if not more, preparing yourself to receive the feedback in a thoughtful and constructive way too—to impress your manager, address negative issues head-on, and set a positive tone for the year ahead.

2009 has been a tough year for many of us. Most people I know have been hanging on for dear life at their jobs, versus swinging for the fences. It is rare, these days, to hear, “I knocked it out of the park.”

For those who are more apprehensive than usual regarding the fateful meeting with the boss, take comfort in the fact that you’re not alone. More importantly, know that there are three things you can and should do to prepare yourself, whether or not you expect the conversation to be difficult.

The goal of the performance review, from your perspective (not just your manager’s), should be to:

1. Highlight what you’ve done well
2. Acknowledge areas of weakness
3. Demonstrate what you’re doing now to make things better next year

1. Highlight what you’ve done well

Before your performance review, you owe it to yourself to take stock of your accomplishments and be ready to toot your own horn. No one else is going to do it for you. This may be your only chance to let senior management know about 2009 “wins,” big or small. Failing to go into that meeting prepared to dazzle your manager with what you’re most proud of is nothing short of professional negligence. Too many people walk out of a performance review caught off-guard and realize after the fact that they’ve just spent thirty minutes talking about what went wrong without ever mentioning their important clients, biggest deals or contributions to the firm.

2. Acknowledge areas of weakness

Don’t fight the obvious. I’ve spoken to several people lately who have expressed a great deal of concern about their upcoming reviews. In two cases, both people told me right off the bat about the criticism they knew was coming at them. If you know what’s coming, don’t try to hide behind it. You’ll do far better with your manager if you acknowledge the issue and then show how you’re moving past it or why it actually isn’t a problem after all.

Anna B., a human resource professional, had been receiving rave reviews from her internal clients in the various business divisions she covered. Her HR manager, however, didn’t like Anna’s direct approach and disregard for the hierarchy implicit in the organization. Anna spent a lot of time thinking about the differences between her and her manager before her performance review. She recognized her work-style was different and could be perceived as threatening, but she also knew that she delivered results and her clients valued her contributions greatly. She decided to frame the discussion like this: her process might be different, but her work product was excellent. If the firm valued process over product, then perhaps she should look for something new. If the firm valued her work product, then she and her manager needed to find some common ground on process while not sacrificing the end goal: great client service, which she was delivering.

3. Demonstrate what you’re doing now to make things better next year

Here’s where you’ve got to be ahead of the eight ball. It doesn’t fly to just sit there and listen and agree to work harder or smarter or better next year. You’ve got to show a meaningful understanding of what went wrong, or what was sub-optimal, and then show what you’re already doing, or planning to do, to fix the situation.

David M. had just moved cross-country and his productivity had slipped. He knew he wasn’t on top of his game while getting his life up and running in California. He himself was upset that he hadn’t been able to produce the results he had hoped for in the 4^th quarter and he was nervous about his upcoming review. I asked David how he was going to improve his productivity in the new year. He mentioned several new initiatives underway and the fact that his transition period would be over. I encouraged David to pre-empt the criticism. He needed to walk into that meeting, acknowledge the disruption his move had caused and then move past it quickly with a concrete timeline and action plan for producing results in the first half of 2010.

The performance review can be a valuable learning experience. It takes work, however. Don’t be an observer—be an active participant in the conversation. Know and be able to communicate what has gone well, what hasn’t and how you’re working to improve next year—and you’ll be well positioned for a constructive dialogue that shows you to be the competent and capable professional you are.

To see the HBR comments, click here

So you can imagine my surprise at a WSJ article on, of all things, “How to Sell a $35,000 Watch in a Recession.”  The eternal optimist and a “true patriot” as my husband says, I am not the most frugal of consumers, and yet nonetheless it struck me as hugely surprising that anyone could sell a timepiece for the price of a BMW in today’s wilting economy.

Jean-Marie Brücker, the salesman in question (of course that’s his name) and chief executive of Pôle Luxe, a Paris-based luxury-sales consulting group, (Cartier and Van Cleef & Arpels are clients) says business is booming in the recession.  He is opening new offices in New York, Hong Kong and Shanghai. He drives a Ferrari and has 61 luxury watches of his own.

But how, one must ask, can someone thrive selling such an obviously superfluous product when Whole Foods is spiraling into the red over $5.99 organic berries?  The answer made me smile.

The first tactic comes straight from Las Vegas, the second, from Great on the Job.  Regarding the first, there is a key tenet in casino marketing which revolves around flattering the men, distracting their wives, and keeping both around as long as possible. The longer the patrons stay, the reasoning goes, the more likely they are to spend money.

The second tactic, which the article describes as the “macaroon technique,” involves sandwiching the exorbitant price of an ultra luxury watch between two positive and emotional sentiments. “Madam, this timepiece (or diamond or handbag) comes from our finest workshop and it has a value of $10,000. If you buy it, your children are sure to enjoy it for generations to come.”

Positive, negative, positive.  Positive: this timepiece comes from our finest workshop.  Negative: it costs $10k.  Positive: your children will enjoy it for generations to come.  This is the same tactic I use when teaching people how to answer a question they don’t know the answer to. Here’s what I say you should do when asked a question you don’t know the answer to:

• Here’s what I know (positive)
• Here’s what I don’t know (negative)
• Here’s how I’ll figure it out (positive)

In fairness, I don’t couch the strategy in the positive/negative framework, but that is essentially what it is.  My point is that everyone knows something-the goal in business is not to sound like you don’t know anything.  So if you’re asked a question and you don’t know the answer-that’s okay.  You can acknowledge the fact.  More important is your ability to show that you do know something relevant or timely or related to the subject at hand, and arguably more importantly, you’ve got the ability to go get the answer.  Forward momentum-go figure it out.

Practice the strategy and you just might wind up one of Jean-Marie’s next customers.

I hope you’re all having a great summer. Last month, I was excited to share the news that Great on the Job had launched its blog. This month, I’m even more exited (thrilled, quite frankly) to report that Great on the Job is making it to prime time—I’ve got myself a book deal! That’s right, for everyone who has participated in a Great on the Job training program and asked, “Where can I get more?” I’ve now got the answer for you. St Martin’s Press will be publishing Great on the Job’s greatest hits (no, that’s not the title, obviously) in the spring of 2011. It’s a long way off, I know, but I promise you all it will be worth the wait.To my agent, Todd Shuster of Zachary Shuster Harmsworth, a million and one thank yous!

To that end, I often get asked for my book (it’s a comin’) or for recommendations of other people’s books to help people be Great on the Job. I’ve been working on compiling a resource list and last night I participated in a great webinar by Ann Demarais of First Impressions Consulting. Ann did an amazing job of breaking down the psychology behind the makings of a first impression and gave her audience practical, insightful and hands-on tools for improving their own first impressions. I learned all about the primacy effect (which would have changed my life at Goldman Sachs had I known about it then) and I got actionable information about positive behaviors and negative miscommunications—and how to maximize and minimize the two, respectively.Go ahead and check Ann out.

And lastly, before I get to this issue’s main attraction—the Top Five Ways to Stay in Touch, I want to share my favorite piece of feedback from a Cornell business school student last week.  David B. sent me an email which said,

“I just wanted to say how great I thought your presentation was on Friday … you were teaching really powerful (but easy to learn) concepts… if nothing else about business school, I’ll be glad to have attended your presentation!” Thanks so much David, it’s always great to hear.

So as the summer season is in full swing, and people start to disappear for long weekends in advance of the August shutdown, I’ve been thinking a lot about staying in touch with friends and colleagues when there doesn’t seem to be an obvious reason or opening to do so. Schools out, guilty pleasure TV is on hold (gossip girl where are you?), there isn’t a Wall Street deal to be had (oh actually, Amazon did just buy Zappos). What’s a well-connected but out of touch person to do? The truth is, you don’t have to fall out of touch with folks just because business is slow or you alone aren’t out in the Hamptons. Read on to find out how and as always, I’d love to hear from you.

But staying in touch isn’t always in person and it definitely doesn’t have to be hard.  Keith Ferrazzi, networker extraordinaire and author of Who’s Got Your Back? posted his “pinging primer“ on his website and gave some great advice on how to think about pinging your contacts (I loved the way he organized his speed dial).

Great on the Job takes it one step further.  I use TOUs, or thinking of yous, to encourage people to reach out to others in their network.  TOUs are short emails and whereas an IOU makes you indebted to someone, TOUs instead create goodwill.  Thinking of yous are inherently generous and the goal is to maintain relevance with someone by sharing information or passing along well wishes, with the side benefit of keeping someone on your radar or staying on theirs.

So what should the subject of these TOUs be?  Here are five foolproof ways to ping someone this summer with a TOU:

Pass along an article of interest: Julie, I read this article in the Boston Globe today and I thought of you and wanted to pass it along.  This sounds like its right in the sweet spot of what your team is working on.  Hope all is well.  Best, Erica.  [* extra credit for highlighting or bold facing the relevant paragraph or sections of the article]

Congratulate someone on good news: Adam, I spoke with Aaron last week and he mentioned your promotion / new baby / move to Chicago. Congratulations, I’m very happy for you.  Once you get settled in, let’s schedule coffee to catch up and see how things are going.  Fondly, Kevin

Share a job lead: Cynthia, I wanted to reach out let you know that L&M is looking for a new property manager.  If you know anyone who might be interested, please feel free to forward along to colleagues or friends.  Warm Regards, Casey

Acknowledge a sport fan’s win: Nathan, congrats! I watched the game last night and saw that the Buckeyes pulled it off at the last minute, enjoy your bragging rights today.  Roger

Reference a run-in with a mutual friend: Elise, Eric and I saw Katherine today and she’s just come back from L.A. and sends her regards.  Let’s try to all get together soon.  Jodi

And then, as so often happens when boy meets girl-girl gets attached, boy disappears and girl’s friends do their best to tell her he wasn’t all that anyway.  As one of those friends, I tried to comfort and reassure Anna after Mr. Right went MIA.

Fortunately or unfortunately, as Anna was rehashing all of Mr. Right’s sudden and inexplicable transgressions, I inadvertently reverted into my GOTJ lens.  I was immediately struck by Mr. Right’s lack of generosity (three word text after a week of radio silence?) and inertia (no mention of future plans).  I couldn’t contain myself.  I said, Anna, I’m sorry to go here, but I have to tell you, Mr. Right is all wrong.

I spend a lot of time thinking and writing about what makes people effective communicators and good at relating to others in the workplace.  And while I don’t pretend to know the first thing about dating, two of the founding principals of Great on the Job are generosity and forward momentum.  These two attributes are absolutely critical to success in the workplace.

Is generosity really a business skill, you might ask?  The answer is definitively yes.  People who share information are generally held in higher esteem than those who withhold information.  How about people who share credit?  Would you rather work for a boss who acknowledges your contributions or who takes all the credit for himself?  Eduardo Castro-Wright, Vice-Chairman of Wal-Mart said he read early on in his career that “You can accomplish almost anything in life if you do not care who takes credit for it.”   That’s generosity in action.

Forward momentum is a little more obvious; yet many of us don’t focus on it enough. Life and business are all about forward momentum-being proactive, taking the next step, moving the ball forward.  Everyone knows, you’re only as good as your last [game, deal, byline, job] you get the idea.   You can’t stand on your laurels, you need to keep producing, selling, teaching, or doing whatever you do.  To succeed in business, you must build, maintain and nurture relationships-so that they are ongoing and productive.

So let’s go back to Mr. Right.  Here he was, MIA for a week, and he turns up with a “dinner at 9?’ text.  No, “hey, qt how r you?”  No, “hope ur having a good day.”  No, “would love to grab dinner, what nite works 4U?”  Not even “can’t wait 2 C U 2nite.”     Instead, a chintzy question/command.  Anna fell for it, and met him for dinner.  And then, the next week after again no word, he finally sends another message “work is crazy busy, sorry I haven’t been in touch.”  And that’s it.  That’s all.  No mention of future plans, no dinner or drinks or afternoon stroll in the park.

And there it was: my dear Abby moment.  Great on the Job’s dating column advice: get rid of Mr. Right, he’s all wrong. Mr. Wrong wasn’t generous, with his emotions or his time, nor did he show any interest in or inclination to move the ball forward and build momentum for the relationship.  For Mr. Wrongs sake, I hope while he’s “crazy busy” at work, he puts some thought into being generous with his clients (with his time and attention) and maintains forward momentum with them.  He should have more time, after all, now that he let Ms. Perfect slip away.