A beautiful and talented girlfriend of mine, let’s call her Anna, was dating a guy, let’s call him Mr. Right, whom she adored.  It was one of those “smitten at first sight” type things where they totally connected when they first met and he swept her off her feet.  She hadn’t felt this way about anyone in a long time and all signs pointed to the fact that the feeling was mutual.

And then, as so often happens when boy meets girl-girl gets attached, boy disappears and girl’s friends do their best to tell her he wasn’t all that anyway.  As one of those friends, I tried to comfort and reassure Anna after Mr. Right went MIA.

Fortunately or unfortunately, as Anna was rehashing all of Mr. Right’s sudden and inexplicable transgressions, I inadvertently reverted into my GOTJ lens.  I was immediately struck by Mr. Right’s lack of generosity (three word text after a week of radio silence?) and inertia (no mention of future plans).  I couldn’t contain myself.  I said, Anna, I’m sorry to go here, but I have to tell you, Mr. Right is all wrong.

I spend a lot of time thinking and writing about what makes people effective communicators and good at relating to others in the workplace.  And while I don’t pretend to know the first thing about dating, two of the founding principals of Great on the Job are generosity and forward momentum.  These two attributes are absolutely critical to success in the workplace.

Is generosity really a business skill, you might ask?  The answer is definitively yes.  People who share information are generally held in higher esteem than those who withhold information.  How about people who share credit?  Would you rather work for a boss who acknowledges your contributions or who takes all the credit for himself?  Eduardo Castro-Wright, Vice-Chairman of Wal-Mart said he read early on in his career that “You can accomplish almost anything in life if you do not care who takes credit for it.”   That’s generosity in action.

Forward momentum is a little more obvious; yet many of us don’t focus on it enough. Life and business are all about forward momentum-being proactive, taking the next step, moving the ball forward.  Everyone knows, you’re only as good as your last [game, deal, byline, job] you get the idea.   You can’t stand on your laurels, you need to keep producing, selling, teaching, or doing whatever you do.  To succeed in business, you must build, maintain and nurture relationships-so that they are ongoing and productive.

So let’s go back to Mr. Right.  Here he was, MIA for a week, and he turns up with a “dinner at 9?’ text.  No, “hey, qt how r you?”  No, “hope ur having a good day.”  No, “would love to grab dinner, what nite works 4U?”  Not even “can’t wait 2 C U 2nite.”     Instead, a chintzy question/command.  Anna fell for it, and met him for dinner.  And then, the next week after again no word, he finally sends another message “work is crazy busy, sorry I haven’t been in touch.”  And that’s it.  That’s all.  No mention of future plans, no dinner or drinks or afternoon stroll in the park.

And there it was: my dear Abby moment.  Great on the Job’s dating column advice: get rid of Mr. Right, he’s all wrong. Mr. Wrong wasn’t generous, with his emotions or his time, nor did he show any interest in or inclination to move the ball forward and build momentum for the relationship.  For Mr. Wrongs sake, I hope while he’s “crazy busy” at work, he puts some thought into being generous with his clients (with his time and attention) and maintains forward momentum with them.  He should have more time, after all, now that he let Ms. Perfect slip away.