Last week, my husband Eric was caught in the crosshairs of an overzealous museum curator eager to impart his knowledge about twentieth-century model trains. For what seemed like an eternity, Eric feigned interest as he searched for a way to end the conversation.

Fortunately, there is a way to exit gracefully.

We have all been in Eric’s place, stuck in a tedious, boring or uncomfortable conversation, at work functions or social gatherings. Common courtesy dictates that you don’t cut someone off mid-conversation and I personally know of no way to politely let someone know that you find their debate over live steam versus diesel-hydraulic powered model trains, well, boring.

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It’s hard to argue that a primetime network T.V. show that debuts after the Super Bowl has any mission other than to entertain the masses. It’s perhaps unfair then to ascribe any responsibility to the “Undercover Boss” other than the blatantly obvious—we all knew what we were getting—another reality show.

In reality T.V., however, there is an endgame separate and apart from mere entertainment. The Bachelor promises love, American Idol fortune and fame, and The Apprentice, a dream job with The Donald. In the case of the Undercover Boss: the chance for an executive to “garner an up-close look at his company and workforce to see how and where improvements can be made.”

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First and foremost, take it offline (don’t do it in front of anyone else). Second, do it in person. Third, as you approach your colleague or teammate, point out or question the facts of the mistake rather than directly blaming her. Don’t make it about “you did something wrong.” Instead, position it as: “I’m concerned there might be an error here” or “I’m wondering whether or not that was the intended outcome we were hoping for?” Or “It seems to me like there’s a mistake in the presentation that just went out to the client, do you have a few minutes to discuss?” Let the facts speak for themselves, and make it clear that your main interest is what’s best for the client/company, not in laying blame.

In terms of managing upward, getting feedback from people junior to you can be tricky—you have to make the junior person feel comfortable sharing his/her thoughts.  The best way to do this is to propose a mutual feedback session—let him know you’re interested in hearing about how you’re doing and at the same time offer to share some feedback about his performance as well.  By making it mutual, you’ll in effect give your subordinate permission to think critically about how you are doing (because you’re doing the same for him).  As always, schedule the meeting in advance (don’t ever ask for feedback on the spot!) and let him know the specific areas you’d like feedback on.  Questions might center around: Did I give you enough direction to complete the assignment?  Was the timeline reasonable for you or do you need more help/time next time around?  What I can do to help you do a better job next time?

Excerpt from the Forte Foundation webinar: Sucessfully Navigating the Workplace: Communication Strategies for Women Leaders

Monthly is too often—it can overwhelm the person from whom you’re requesting the feedback.  About once a quarter is a good target—the goal is to have 3-5 touch points over the course of the year. You can and should spread those requests for feedback out—don’t always ask the same person for feedback.  Have a stable of people you’re hearing from and listening to—both junior and senior to you.

from the Q&A portion of the Forte Foundation webinar “Successfully Navigating the Workplace: Communication Strategies for Women Leaders”

Keith Ferrazzi, relationship guru and NYT best-selling author of Never Eat Alone, posted a greatest-hits list last week- The Top 20 Relationship Posts of 2009.  Great on the Job’s How to Get More from Your Mentor made the list- thanks Keith!  For anyone looking for some great relationship building advice, be sure to check out the list.  Here are a few other’s I really enjoyed: Marci Alboher’s 7 Deadly Sins of Networking and How to Avoid them is a brilliant summary of what NOT to do these days in our networking-crazed race to find a new or better job, get introduced to a talent agent or meet the President of the company.  And in Maintaining Networking Momentum After You Land the Job: Liz Lynch offers some very practical advice for staying in touch and building new networks once you’ve got that new dream job.

December is performance review month. While the merits and validity of a year-end review are often the subject of great debate, the fact that many firms use them as a tool for compensation and promotion is not.

Your managers will spend much time (hopefully) preparing to deliver your review in a thoughtful and constructive manner. You should spend as much time, if not more, preparing yourself to receive the feedback in a thoughtful and constructive way too—to impress your manager, address negative issues head-on, and set a positive tone for the year ahead.

2009 has been a tough year for many of us. Most people I know have been hanging on for dear life at their jobs, versus swinging for the fences. It is rare, these days, to hear, “I knocked it out of the park.”

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Last week, more evidence emerged in the Securities and Exchange Commission’s debacle over the mishandling of the Bernie Madoff über-fraud. While the SEC failed repeatedly to uncover the greatest Ponzi scheme in our country’s history ($50 billion and counting), the New York Times revealed a tale of “unseasoned people uncertain about what to do and unwilling to ask for help.”

But learning how to ask for help — and how to do it right — is critical to doing your job well and setting yourself up for success.

You may be afraid of looking dumb, but to be afraid to ask for and get the help you need is inexcusable, especially when the stakes are high. Asking for help in the workplace is a good thing. In fact, asking for help the right way can show how smart you are: it demonstrates that you’ve got good judgment and shows that you know what you know and what you don’t know. Moreover, getting help up front saves endless time, energy and resources on the back end; in the Madoff case, it could have saved billions of dollars and immeasurable heartache.

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I’ve been captivated as of late by David Letterman and his walk of shame as he navigates the uncomfortable world of adultery, bribery and blackmail . By now, we all know the sordid details of Letterman’s adulterous affairs and the alleged blackmail scheme of a former CBS colleague. I’m struck, however, by the deftness with which he’s managed the crisis and how he has been able, in large part, to control the conversation himself.

In managing through the crisis, Letterman has been effective and endearing in getting his message out he’s done three important things right:

1. He got out in front of the problem
2. He took ownership of the problem
3. He told everyone how he planned on fixing the problem

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People often think of the elevator pitch as something you use when you’re interviewing for a new job or trying to raise capital for a new venture. The elevator pitch, however, is no less important once you’ve got the job as it is when you’re looking.

In fact, your personal 30-second spiel about who you are, how you’re different, and why you’re memorable is arguably more important once you’ve landed that great position or won the support of investors and now interact with senior colleagues and important clients regularly.

A managing director on Wall Street once told me of a summer associate who made an uncharacteristically strong impression on senior leadership during a welcoming cocktail party. Within days, the managing director received numerous calls from senior partners advising him to “make sure she gets the attention and resources she needs to succeed this summer.” The young woman’s career has been on the fast track ever since.

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